World Changers

Let’s go down a different road. For the next few weeks I am going to be addressing “World Changers” in our Sunday gatherings. I don’t know about you but I believe we have more of a purpose on planet earth than to just take up space, eat, drink, breath, go through the same daily routine day in and day out and then die and be put under the ground as the crowd goes off and eats potato salad together. I believe we are here to make a difference in our world. I believe we are here to challenge the status quo. I believe we are here to push the envelope and explore uncharted horizons. And I believe we are here to leave an eternal mark on the lives of those whose lives intersect with ours.

There were some guys in the Bible that were accused of turning the world upside down. They were world changers in the earliest days of the church. The Bible says of them, “These people who have been turning the world upside down have come here also.” (Acts 17:6)

What is your desire in life? Do you want to just quietly, stealthily and inconspicuously lumber through it until you make your final exit or do you want to leave with a legacy of effectiveness, significance, value and positive impact on the lives of people who connected with your life? I might be wrong on this one but, I think the latter is what we all desire or at least most of us.

It is entirely possible that you have a barrel full of ideas and plans on how to leave a lasting difference in people’s lives. But in case you don’t, I want to at least offer a little help. Beginning this Sunday, August 17, and for the next six weeks, I will be addressing six qualities that I believe are the most important ones for us to live out if we are going to change our world rather than just take up space in it. I certainly hope you will join us if you can. If you need some more info about our location and times of gathering check out relaxedchurch.com.

Meanwhile can I get some ideas from you? I invite your response to two questions. Here they are.

1. What do you believe needs to be changed most in the world in which we live?
2. What do you think needs to be done in order to bring about those changes?

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts and ideas.

I Stand at the Door

This past Sunday we explored the reason New Venture was launched in the first place. We are in the initial stages of planning for a relaunch as we move to Tomahawk Creek Middle School in January. There is no better time to revisit and recapture our vision for New Venture’s existence than at the very beginning of relocation planning. The following is a piece I shared on Sunday. No literary work has ever captured my purpose for existence, New Venture’s purpose for existence and I hope your purpose for existence than this one.

I Stand at the Door By Sam Shoemaker

I stand by the door.
I neither go to far in, nor stay to far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man’s own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it - live because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in.
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. ‘Let me out!’ they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled.
For the old life, they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away. So for them too,
I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.

‘I had rather be a door-keeper
So I stand by the door.

What I Learned From School Churches

As part of my July study break, I visited four churches the last two Sundays to see how they do church in the school building setting. Chesterfield County is extremely receptive to schools renting their buildings on Sundays. And since we will be moving from the movie theater to Tomahawk Creek Middle School in January, I thought it would be a good chance to see first hand how school churches set up and function.

I was well received at all four schools. I was right up front as I arrived at the door. I explained that we were moving into a school and would like to check out how they did church each week. I was given unlimited access to all the set up areas at all the churches.

After my visits I sat down and listed what I learned from my school church experience. Here’s the findings.

If we get in-house storage at TCMS we will be the only one I am aware of at a school in this county.
It is not the quality of materials but the excellence, warmth and energy of the people that made the biggest difference.
People will travel long distances for these elements.
Exponential growth can take place in a school setting.
Everything needs to be clearly marked with appropriate signage.
Each children’s department needs professionally designed signage.
Storage units need to be compact and easily transportable.
All four churches served beverages.
Beverages and just light snacks were served at the fastest growing church.
Preschool areas can be effectively set up in wide hall areas.
K-5th grade needs a larger assembly area with breakout capacity.
The most traditional church had the least guests.
The friendliest church was the fastest growing one.
I was spoken to by the first three people I met leaving early worship, walking to their car, at the fastest growing church.
Rear projection is great.
You can do the entire set up in an hour even without on site storage.
Praying together before services for all set up people was a common practice.
It would be a good idea to visit a school church to get first hand insight.
Video messaging is catching on.
The welcome area can be scaled down and still be effective.
None of the churches offered CD’s of messages, at least I didn’t see any.
Wearing matching florescent t-shirts is a great way to identify children’s workers.
Service times advertised on their website are not always correct.
The fastest growing church gave me a VIP personal tour of their operation.
Schools are cleaner, smell better and are better lighted than theaters.
We are the only church that offers our own apparel line.

So there you have it. It was a great experience as we begin to make our initial relocation and relaunch plans to Tomahawk Creek Middle School.

Summer Study Break

2007 was the first year I decided to take a summer study break to prepare for the next calendar year and teaching schedule for the church. The break consists of four weeks, two of which are suppose to be vacation and two planning for the future. The problem is that the weeks get run together and begin to intertwine with each other. I need to get better at drawing the line between planning and vacation.

I personally think the summer break is the best decision I have ever made in ministry. If not the best, it’s in the top three.

Since leaving on Sunday afternoon, June 29 here’s some of the things we have done or enjoyed;

Visited our kids and daughter in laws in Cinci
Spent time with Audrey our granddaughter
Attended the North American Christian Convention for three and a half days
Ate UDF peach ice cream
Ate at the best restaurant in the world, Cheddars, twice
Celebrated Sharon’s birthday on the 4th of July (Don’t ask the age.)
Enjoyed fireworks in Lexington, KY
Spent eight days with our son, daughter in law and Sawyer in Lexington
(Spent most of that time taking care of Sawyer. Won’t do that one again.
Four days will be the max at kids house from here on out.)
Visited the church in Troy, Oh where I preached before launching NVCC
(All the family attended and we had a big reunion)
Got coffee from my two most favorite coffee shops, Winans and Night Sky
Checked out the 28 acres where the Troy church will relocate to in 09
Slept on an air mattress that didn’t stay up (Do any of them)
Attended Southland Christian Church, a church of about 9000 in Lex
Drove 1500 miles
Recovered from a pulled hamstring suffered during kickball Wednesdays
Attended kickball Wednesday and sat
Prepared the church preaching schedule for this fall and the entire year of 09
Met with Jeff Ellick, principle of Tomahawk Creek Middle School
Read four books, so far
Prayed with and served communion to a dear lady who only has a few wks to live
Listened to numerous CD’s of teaching and music
Ordered materials for future teaching series
Ordered new corn hole bags for kickball Wednesday
Developed a plan for our vision team for the fall
Had my pacer checked
Scheduled a routine colonoscopy for next Wednesday
Ordered and picked up new church signs
Reworked parts of Discovery 101 and 201
Wrote updated welcome letter for first time visitors
Researched blogging and enhanced my own blog
Began preparation for August 3 message
Ate breakfast at IHOPS, twice
Grilled steaks
Enjoyed my outdoor shower

I’ll stop for now because I am tired and need a rest, and I still have ten days of the study break to go. I miss you all and look forward to returning. I am going to visit a few thriving churches in the area the next couple Sundays to see what I can learn from them.

I can’t wait to unpack the plans for the fall and 2009 for NV. Great things are ahead.

100 Reasons Not to Get Married

This week we discuss the last of five “family matters” subjects in our Sunday gathering. And the last one is about singles, how to be single and satisfied. Sound like an oxymoron? Well it really is possible to be satisfied and single at the same time. My teaching on Sunday will offer some practical insight into how that might be possible. If you would like the entire message it can be accessed from relaxedchurch.com after June 30, 2008.

Meanwhile I want to introduce you to a list I happened to run across on Google Answers about reasons why not to get married. The list was compiled by Tutuzdad-ga – Google Answers Researcher. I love it. It is hilarious at some points and shockingly true at others. If you look closely there are a few numbers missing. They are the ones that were a little over the edge. Enjoy it and pass it on to any of your single friends or to your married ones who might wish they were single.

And if you have any additional reasons for not getting married that are not on the list, pass them on to us in the comment section.

“When you’re single…”

1.You get the whole couch to yourself.

2.There’s half as much housework, cooking, and cleaning to do.

3.You can watch whatever TV channel you like, without arguments.

4.You can get home from work at whatever time you like.

5.You get to eat the whole “meal for two” by yourself.

6.There are fewer important birthdays (spouse, kids, spouse’s parents,
etc) and no anniversaries to accidentally forget.

7.Without a spouse you have can still have a decent social life in your 30s.

8.You don’t keep catching every sniffle, cold and flu bug that your
spouse brings home.

9.You don’t have to live halfway between your workplace and your
spouse’s workplace.

10.Once you’re married most of your friends will also be married, and
coincidentally (like you, if you marry) they will mostly be staying
home with their own spouse’s instead of hanging out with you.

11.You can lie in bed in the morning for as long as you like.

12.Nobody sees what you look like first thing in the morning.

13.No soap operas (of sports shows, depending on male vs. female perhaps)

14.You can throw your dirty socks on the floor where they belong.

15.There’s no pressure to make the bed in the morning

16.You don’t have to worry about what the bathroom smells like when
you walk out of it.

17.You know where the bar of soap has been

18.You don’t have to put out Christmas lights if you don’t want to

19.When you’re single the lawn looks a lot better when the grass is longer

20.No one snores

21.Folding clothes?….No thank you

22.There’s no fight for remote control ownership.

23.Smelly socks and skiddy underwear are not that big of an issue when
you’re only washing your own.

24.On your way out you know that you’re shoes are right where you took
them off yesterday.

25.We can stay in the shower as long as we want and don’t have to
worry about conserving hot water for a spouse (or kids).

26.You can do laundry – or not.

27.You don’t have to shave if you don’t want to.

28.You don’t have to share your razor with anyone

29.You don’t have to buy Valentines/birthday/Mother’s day cards.

30.You won’t have anyone saying ‘you’re not going to wear that, are you?’

31.If your married and no fashion sense your spouse thinks you’re a
moron. If you’re single and have no fashion sense people think you are
eccentric.

32.Burning the food is not a big deal.

33.You’re not as accountable to anyone - if I want to do something, I just do it!

34.If you mess up your finances you have no one to blame but yourself.

35.You ALWAYS know EXACTLY how much is in your checking account.

36.You get the whole bed to yourself.

37.You can watch a late show on the bedroom TV and no one complains.

38.There are no unexplainable moods to contend with.

39.You have much more freedom to choose.

40.If there’s dribble on your pillow you know where it came from.

41.You never have to say where you’ve been or what you’ve been doing.

42.There’s no curfew.

43.You never have to hide anything in your shopping cart under other stuff.

44.You can spend all you want or all you have – it doesn’t matter.

45.You never have to worry about saying what you think, or having to
pretend you’re thinking something that you’re not.

46.You can be rude if that’s in you’re nature.

47.You can eat what YOU want.

48.You can join a gym because you want to, not because your spouse is
embarrassed by the way you look.

49.If you get fired from work you’re not considered a loser – just unemployed.

50.You can have friends over who behave outrageously whenever you want.

51.You don’t have to worry about what sort of food to buy and you can
eat whatever you want, whenever you choose.

53.You can listen to your favorite tunes in the house or in the car
and no one fiddles with the station or complains about your taste in
music.

54.You can spend all night on the phone without having to justify it.

55.You can go to bed when you please – or not.

56.You can read all night if you want to.

57.No one criticizes the condition of your car or expects you to wash it.

58.There’s plenty of space in the closet.

59.You don’t have to pretend that you’re interested in what happened
to your spouse at work today.

60.When you’re single there is a LOT less drama in your life!

61.You can make a mess – and leave it that way.

62.You can drink wine out of a bottle or milk right out of the jug
whenever you like.

63.You don’t have to write cards on anyone’s behalf for birthdays or Christmas.

64.You don’t have to excuse your behavior to a spouse.

65.You can pass gas at will.

66.When you’re single your opinion is always the best opinion.

67.You never have disagreements with what a spouse when you’re single.

68.When you’re single you can enjoy great performances of gay
musicians and actors without getting that “eye-rolling” thing from
your spouse.

69.You don’t have to listen to your spouse pant every time their
favorite actor or musician comes on the television.

70.When you’re single you can flush – or not.

71.You can put the lid up or put the lid down – it’s up to you.
Whatever you did last is exactly how it will be when you return next
time – just the way you like it.

72.Dragon breath in the morning is no big deal when you’re single.

73.If you’re single you can eat right out of the refrigerator and no one cares.

74.You don’t have to share ANYTHING with ANYONE.

75.No in-laws (this one speaks for itself)

76.Las Vegas is back on the list of vacation considerations.

77.Grow your nails, cut your nails – it doesn’t matter.

78.Pajamas or not – doesn’t matter.

79.Sweatpants and baggy shirt – no one cares.

80.The best parking spot is ALWAYS yours for the taking.

81.Cooking your own meals never ceases to be an adventure, and never
starts becoming punishment.

83.When you’re single you can paint the town instead of the house.

84.When you get home after work, you don’t have to start work again.

85.You can tell people you’re single and not have to lie about it.

86.You’ll never have to trade your interest in miniskirts for minivans.

87.You’ll save about $400,000 in grocery bills alone over the next 20
years if you stay single.

88.College? You didn’t pay for yours so why would you volunteer to pay
for someone else’s?

89.When you’re single you get to keep ALL the money.

90.When you’re single you get to hold the actual credit card and not just the bill.

94.You can use your own name at hotels.

95.When you’re single you can tell the person criticizing your driving
to “get out!”

96.When asked for their opinion, a single person can say “Yeah…you ARE fat!”.

97.When you’re single you can lick the spoon and keep on stirring like
nothing happened.

98.When you’re single you never miss all the things you used to be
able to do before you got married.

99.Married people with gray hair are thought of as old and tired, but
single people with gray hair are considered wise and distinguished.

100.Finally, when you’re single you can enjoy the silence any time you want

What Will They Say When They Are Gone?

Father’s Day has come and gone. The very thought of the day can bring anger, disappointment or regret too many. On the other hand, it can be a day of delight, pride and tremendous peace. It all depends on the kind of father you have or had and the kind of father you are or were.

All my kids are out of our house and married. Two have their own children. Our parenting years are pretty much gone, even though we still inject our direction and advice whenever we can.

So father’s day for me is different from those who are in the middle of parenting on a 24/7 schedule. For me it is a reflection on the past. And I love it because it gives my sons a chance to express their thoughts and feelings about my parenting. Here are a couple of their written comments from Father’s Day cards I received this year.

“I am so lucky to have a father like you. I don’t think that you were perfect, but you were excellent. I owe the man I am to who you are. Thank you for being in our lives.”

“Thank-you for giving me an example of what a good, God-fearing father should be. Everything I know how to do with my son I learned from you. Thank you for that example. I don’t often say it with words, but I appreciate the father you have been and the grandfather you will be.”

Father’s Day helps me see whether or not I really made a difference in the life of my sons by the words they express back to me, now that they are out on their own.

Which leads me to ask, what will your kids say about you once they are gone from your house? When they are out on their own what will their feelings and expressions be as they look back? Will they be able to authentically say the kind of things that make you feel overwhelmed with pride that you were their father (or mother)?

If you have your doubts or if you are sure it won’t be that rewarding, then what do you need to do right now to make a change? What do you need to develop, get rid of or redirect in your parenting approach? I would encourage you to not wait another day to get right what is currently wrong.

By the way, what do you feel are the most important qualities of a great dad that needs to be consistently evident in out parenting approach? Would you care to share your convictions?

For example, I believe an excellent model is one. Someone was right on when they said, “We teach what we know, we reproduce what we are.” And Albert Schweitzer said, “Example is not the main thing in influencing others-it is the only thing.” So the model we set forth will eventually be set in our children.

Our children are like play-doh. We are daily making impressions in their lives that over time will become set and very difficult to change. So make sure we are making the kind of impression we want to be with them for life.

What else do you feel is a non-negotiable when it comes to parenting?

Keeping Romance Alive

A marriage, just like any living thing must be nurtured. A relationship is very similar to a plant. Plants must be cared for and maintained. They must be given healthy doses of nourishment, water and sunlight. Otherwise they will wilt, wither and die.

It borders on insanity to think that a plant can continue to grow and produce without proper attention and elements. It is even more insane to think that a marriage can remain healthy and romantically alive without the same attention and nourishment.

And yet, for so many relationships, nourishment is an afterthought rather than a consistent habit. It might or it might not happen. And if it does happen it is often so infrequent that it fails to make any real difference in the starved relationship.

In addition to its absence, in many relationships it fails to even be a subject of discussion. It is just accepted that the relationship is “OK” or boring or hurting but it is better than nothing. Or it is better than a lot of others relationships we know about.

What a miserable way to exist. What a poor substitute for something that is intended to be so fulfilling and healthy. What a sell out to mediocrity. What a shame.

Granted, marriage is work. Marriage is hard. Relationships are demanding and challenging. They stretch and require of us far more than we ever envisioned giving.

But they are intended to be satisfying and growing. They are designed to be healthy and fulfilling. They are meant to be a pleasure rather than a burden.

So the question becomes, how do you keep the romance in the relationship? Are their any keys or secrets to nourishment and nurturing? What works and what is to be avoided?

Someone emailed a brief formula to me earlier this week that they learned very early in their relationship.

Depart Daily (5-10 minutes of real conversation)
Withdraw Weekly (date night)
Retreat Regularly (get away alone together)

So please help our readers discover some new and refreshing ideas for keeping the romance alive in their relationship. What are some things you have done or continue to do? What are some different things you might have done at different stages in your marriage?

You are even invited to share things you have tried that bombed. Or ideas you heard about but have never tried yourself. We just want some ideas and help.

We are thirsting for ways to nurture the most important relationship we have as we exist in a world that will kill that relationship if we are not on our guard and intentional about moving against the prevailing tide.

While our kids were at home, Sharon and I became fans of Bed and Breakfasts. We would secure child care and at least once or twice a year we would run away to one even if it were in the same town we lived in. One time Sharon blindfolded me and drove me around for about an hour to keep me from knowing our destination. We ended up at a gorgeous B & B about five miles from our house. What a romantic get away that was!

I hesitate to share this one with you but I think it has something to do with romance. Last night Sharon asked me if I would remove the old polish from her toes. She said I could do a better job of it than she could. I was so tired and I just said there is no way I could. I was going to sleep ASAP.

Well, this morning I had to leave early to go to a meeting on the West End. Before I left the bedroom I whispered in her ear, “If your toenails aren’t done by tonight I will give you a pedicure. Do you think they will be done by the time I get home? When pigs fly!

By the way, ask your wife if she would consider a pedicure to be a romantic act. Would you dare to share her response?

Here are a couple links to a great website and a great article that are guaranteed to enhance your romance.

http://www.romanceinmarriage.org/

http://www.christianitytoday.com/mp/2004/002/4.22.html

Now, what ideas can you share?

Surviving the Teen Years

Don’t for a minute think that I was the ideal teen back in the day. I was anything but that. I gave my parents the kind of problems many of the day wouldn’t think of doing. I always tested the boundaries. I was as independent as a teen could be. I was always into trouble.

I think the local police department had my picture posted on their bulletin board to be on the lookout for. During one period of stupidity I was arrested and charged with four infractions of the law for which I went to court and faced the danger of being removed from my parent’s custody. In fact, the judge looked at me and said at the end of the sentencing, “If you ever appear before me again I will send you straight to reformed school for boys.” I am so glad that judge had a short memory because within a year I was back before him for a completely different violation.

Well, here I am today, completely well adjusted (maybe), with my head on straight, pursuing direction and purpose in life and in love with God with all my heart. And I have pretty much been that way since exiting my teen years.

How was that possible? What made the difference? What was it that got my head and heart straightened out and my life headed in the right direction after all the stupidity of my teen years?

There were two things for me that were indispensable to surviving those teen years. And I believe they are the two most important factors today as well.

The first one is that my parents built a solid spiritual foundation in my life. Now, there were periods of time that I just plane ignored it and did my own thing. But it was there and they never stopped building on it.

That solid spiritual foundation consists of elements like believing in and teaching the existence and priority of God. Consistent involvement in church, and I emphasize consistent. It was never an option. Valuing the authority of the Bible and the importance and practice of prayer. Establishing boundaries and expectation based on Biblical principles. Even though I tested the boundaries often they were nevertheless still there. And there were consequences when I ignored them. My parents were consistent in building a strong spiritual foundation in the life of their kids.

The second element that brought me safely through my teen years to the other side was the model of my parents. My parents were not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But they were committed to the same direction and principles they taught us kids. There was never this “Do what I say, not what I do.” They loved God and believed He should have priority and it was reflected in how they lived out their everyday life.

So what my parents were doing during my preteen and teen years was building a solid spiritual foundation for me to come back to once I got all my foolishness out of my system. And come back I did. And I have continued to build my life on that foundation ever since.

So if you want your kids to survive the teen years and end up with not just a good career by a life lived for God, you better get serious about the foundation you are building for them at the current time. Without a solid spiritual foundation to come back to, hope of a life with God is pretty much left to chance. And I wouldn’t for a moment leave something so vital to chance in the kind of world we live in today.

By the way, my parents gave birth to five children in a period of six years. Do the math and you find out that all of us were teens at the same time during one point of our growing up years. And in spite of that many challenges, they built that solid foundation so well that all of us are still serving the Lord with all their hearts today. Thanks mom and dad.

Sexual Practices of Teens

This time I want to tackle the issue of sexual activity among teens. I will be addressing the subject of “Traps Teens Face” on Sunday morning, June 1, but I was not able to include all my finding in the allotted message time. So I want to cover one of the aspects I will not be able to discuss as extensively as I would like on Sunday, teen sexual activity.

We can resort to denial and say it isn’t happening, but it is happening and with increased frequency and with new expressions. Now, this subject may be too honest and open for some, so you are free to check out at any time, but here are some of the results of secular studies in the last couple years.

* Nearly half (46%) of all 15-19-year-olds in the United States have had sex at least once.

* By age 15, only 13% of teens have ever had sex. However, by the time they reach age 19, seven in 10 teens have engaged in sexual intercourse.

* Most young people have intercourse for the first time at about age 17, but do not marry until their middle or late 20s. This means that young adults are at risk of unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) for nearly a decade.

* But creative as teens are they have discovered what they believe to be a safe alternative, oral sex. A study by the national center for health reveals that more teens today are engaging in oral sex than intercourse, more than 50% of 15-19 yr olds. That includes both the giving and receiving of oral sex. There is a teenage oral sex craze in America.

The thinking of many teens though, is that oral sex is really not sex. Sex to be sex has to involve penetration. A couple article in the USATODAY, published right after one teen sexual activity study was published, described the thinking of teens on the oral sex practice. This is an easy link to the articles as appeared in the USATODAY.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-10-18-teens-sex_x.htm

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2005-10-19-teens-technical-virginity_x.htm

This study of teen thinking and sexual practices revealed that the feeling of teens is that oral sex is not really sex. But even more revealing is the teen belief that oral sex is an acceptable alternative to the “real thing” of intercourse. And that most of those who engage in oral sex do so to keep from going “all the way.”

But then there is this research finding that was just published by the secular Guttmacher Institute a couple weeks ago that says that isn’t true. In fact the study discovered that teens who engage in oral sex are engaging in intercourse as well. Here is a link to this study results.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/108175.php

So what exactly is sex? And is oral sex really sex? At the risk of getting too descriptive and at the risk of being too narrow in defining it, let me site the definition of sex from a book from the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, called Questions Kids Ask About Sex.

“Sex occurs when one person touches another person’s genitals and causes that person to get sexually excited,” the book states. “A girl or boy who’s had oral sex doesn’t feel or think like a virgin anymore, because he or she has had a form of sex.”

This is a personal as well as a real issue facing our teens and future teens today, and all of society as well. Parents, don’t ignore this issue. Talk to your kids. Begin early and talk to them often. Preempt all of the wrong thinking they are going to be bombarded with from every imaginable source. Be proactive in the sex war. If you don’t, your child may very easily become one of the statistics of future research.

Thanks for hanging with the discussion. Why shouldn’t authentic Christ followers be some of the first to tackle and discuss the tough issues that face our teens and all of today’s society?

“Family Matters” a Common Thread

For the five Sundays of June we are addressing five different “family Matters.” Teens, couples, dads, moms and singles are all on the schedule. In all five areas there is a common thread that runs through each of them. Maybe more than one but this one for sure, SEX. So lets put this one on the table from the get go. There is no way you can honestly discuss this many family connections without getting into the sex issue. That is, if you are going to be real and address the real issues we face. The church has been accused of avoiding the tough issues so let’s tackle a tough issue, SEX.

There are so many good things happening in families that are sex related. Sex is good. But let’s be honest. There are just as many or more bad things happening in families, than good, that are connected with sex. Problems, challenges, abuses, betrayals, addictions, you name it, it’s there. So let’s not ignore it. Let talk about it.

With the danger and risk of oversimplifying, I want to offer an explanation of why I believe such sexual problems exist in our families and in our world. Why sex can be such a good thing but such a painful, abused, abusive and problem riddled thing.

Here’s what I believe. Sex is no longer seen for what it really is. We have made sex either a physical, emotional, or personal thing. We see it as two people who are physically attracted and involved with each other or emotionally connected with each other or personally satisfying to each other. And I would agree that sex is all of that and more.

But here is where I believe the problem lies. Sex is not just physical, emotional, and personal. More than anything else it is spiritual. It is a spiritual act. It was a spiritual act before it was anything else. And because we no longer see anything spiritual about sex we have a society without sexual boundaries and with boundless problems. We have a sex driven and divulgent yet dysfunctional society.

I will share some of the reasoning behind my beliefs on June 1, in our Sunday gathering. Meanwhile, what do you think about this concept? How do you view sex and why do you think we have so many sexual problems and so much sexual dysfunction in our culture?